In Depression
Lately I’ve been doing a lot of mental-struggle, especially when I must deal with my own deadlines. Should we keep being patient and wait for the best time to set, or should we be a little more impatient and create our “perfect” timing? Both ways are completely fine, with different consequences. I don’t think I would go word-vomit (yet) on this post to talk about the whole decision-making complexities, and saving on some other future posts from that part.
It’s been raining all day during last week and the sky was too often seen gray or blue, persistently agitate one’s solemn reveries into slight moan. And I mostly mourn, aesthetically, about how much time I’ve lost. Not the time I spent for consciously-made purposes, or those I enjoy wasting and inadvertently discharged. I quietly grieve for those time that I invariably ignore for meaningless deliberation. Sometimes, unceasingly, we do routines that are obligatory and unwitting and massively time-consuming… until suddenly everything stopped at one particular moment, and while getting your usual fatigue-attacks, you find yourself wondering about those significant amount of days and hours and minutes you’ve passed without notice. Those times I’ve lost. Where did they go? Did the king of cosmic dimension flushed them off into the infinite space of forgotten times? Did they just run in circles and repeating paths along our life? I started to look around in my own individual-melancholic mind, guessing possibilities.
Aku dalam gambar ini adalah aku yang pagi tadi terbangun dengan tubuh penuh gemetar. Ku ambil sebungkus rokok yang kusimpan diam-diam di laci meja kerjaku. Kubakar, dan ku sesap dengan pasti demi menjemput tenang. Aku telan sebutir parasetamol dan pereda nyeri, entah untuk apa. Menyadari bahwa iya, aku dalam depresi adalah hal yang menyakitkan.
Until somehow my phone rang for many times and apparently it’s time to be sucked into the real life routine game all over again. I open my umbrella and step outside, saying goodbye to the unsolved mystery of lost moments, and greet the raindrops “Hi.”
